'I wish you were this large'

Directed by Vishal Mahadkar

Rating: 0.25 *

Two images spring to mind looking at the above photograph: SRK and the movie ‘Titanic’. And while anyone who stretches his arms isn’t SRK, this film has a lot in common with a sinking ship. The title and the promos may suggest a crummy mix of ‘Wall Street’ and ‘Blood Diamond’ but it’s largely a snore fest often interrupted by a jolting background score. So let’s make this review a little less painful and attempt a graphic novel approach.

Soul sisters?

This annoyingly chirpy couple lands up in Cape Town, SA where the husband has nailed a top job with the prestigious Trinity Diamonds. For those can’t tell the husband from the wife in the above picture, Kunal (Kunal Khemu) is the one on the right along with his wife Arzoo (Amrita Puri). The two are densely in love and spend quality time narrating fairy tales to each other (Arzoo actually takes us through the unedited version of Hansel and Gretel!).

If we can charter a flight, can’t we afford suits that fit us?

Now for the ignorant, selling

Agent Vinod in action'Agent Vinod' is not all bad, in fact it starts with a lot of promise but Sriram Raghavan's previous works had raised our expectations. For once, we prayed that this thriller will not just be style over substance but Raghavan disappoints. Raja Sen in his review says that the film is just not 'clever enough':

If only Agent Vinod were a video game. It has all the hallmarks of a classic: from explosive wall-to-wall action to various levels of globetrotting mayhem, from challenging moments of hand-to-hand combat and clue-hunting to an eclectic slew of fascinating side characters, from a helluva background score to, quite vitally, the fact that it doesn't end where it should and instead keeps giving the protagonist more to do.

Alas, 'Agent Vinod' is not a video game and a film demands a coherent narrative. Like Kaveree Bamzai points out, there are a lot of elements that work:

Keeping a light tone is the toughest thing to do for a filmmaker. One wrong step and the laughs turn into sniggers.

It's a game!

Directed by Abhinay Deo

Rating: 0.5 *

Each time Bollywood tries to ape the west, it twists its ankle and trips over a puddle of poop, face-first. And Game is such a poop-drenched, wannabe-whodunit thriller that on watching, you might want to find out who's done this movie, why and couldn't he just light a bonfire with the disposable money used to produce it?

The movie begins as billionaire Kabir Malhotra (Anupam Kher) invites an odd mix of people from across the globe to visit his personal Greek island of Samos for a chance to enrich their sorry lives. As the recipients scan their letters, the name Samos pops up often and can spark a sudden craving for the savoury snack (Samosa!). A tip: keep munchies accessible.

Anyway, the lucky invitees include, drug-lord cum club-owner from Turkey, Neil Menon (Abhishek Bachchan), who's suited, booted, wears designer shades and beats people to pulp, usually when they

Saif Ali Khan in Agent VinodIt amazes me how filmmakers think that stylized and slick production qualities give them the license to toss the script and logic out of the window. Big banner productions that go all out to publicize their films often turn out to be box office duds but Sriram Raghavan and Saif Ali Khan had successfully collaborated on 'Ek Hasina Thi' earlier. In fact the first 30-45 minutes looked really promising but post interval the film turns out to be a most tedious watch.

The film is about a fearless RAW agent (Saif Ali Khan) who is investigating his colleague's (Ravi Kishen) death and stumbles upon a terror plot which will kill millions in India. While he's racing against time to find the bomb and the perpetrators of the crime, he comes across the mysterious Dr Ruby (Kareena Kapoor). Is Ruby a victim, a spy or is she working in connivance with the criminals?

Saif in action

Directed by Sriram Raghavan

Rating: *

The best way to diffuse a bum is through butt crunches. Unless one is referring to the Hinglisized word for a bomb. And the much-awaited dhamaka that this thriller hoped to detonate at the box office might just be diffused once you read this review.  Despite miraculous leaps in production values, spy thrillers in Bollywood end up looking like Chinese equivalents of western products. And here, the characters are even stereotyped to the extent of detectives wearing trench coats and moles being obvious, shifty-eyed and literally uncomfortable in their own skin. So let’s just say foreign locales, weapons to annihilate the world, designer suits and not-so-excruciating interrogations don’t cumulatively justify ‘Agent Vinod’ as a thrilling movie-watching experience.

RAW agent Vinod (Saif Ali Khan) divides his screen time between being questioned (when he is captured) and playing

Vidya in KahaaniA lot of us might have completely written off Sujoy Ghosh after box office disasters like 'Home Delivery' and 'Aladin' but he has managed to score big with 'Kahaani'. Ghosh manages to weave a compelling, well-nuanced tale that skillfully transforms from a drama to a gripping suspense thriller.

Gaurav Malani in his review says the narrative is the star of the film:

Kahaani rightly lives up to its name and reinstates the fact that the core criterion for a decent film is a strong story. And if that story is in competent hands, you don't need anything else. No big stars, songs, budget or even a customary male lead. For a (pleasant) change, the script is indeed the hero here!

What's interesting about 'Kahaani' is that different elements work for different people. Kaveree Bamzai in her review says:

Kolkata is the star of the film. Kolkata early morning, with people drinking tea, brushing their teeth, waking up from the pavement. Kolkata going home, on the tram, with the obligatory call from

Vidya Balan in KahaaniSujoy Ghosh's 'Kahaani' is such a compelling watch that it makes it difficult for the audience to sit back and relax. The tight script manages to keep the viewer's hooked till the end and the climax has a payoff that's completely worth the wait.

The premise is simple: Vidya Bagchi's (Vidya Balan) husband who had come to Kolkata on a short assignment has suddenly gone missing. A pregnant Vidya comes down from London to find Arnab Bagchi, who seems to have either disappeared or never made the trip in the first place. The way a simple search story unfolds, weaving a complex conspiracy is most intriguing.

The storytelling is taut and the momentum builds to a grand climax, the pace not slacking even for a moment. The possibilities are infinite: Did Arnab Bagchi just desert his pregnant wife? Are the police trying to somehow cover up his Kolkata visit? Does Arnab Bagchi exist or has he given his naïve wife a false identity? Is it possible that he has gone missing because he was mistaken for

Directed by Sujoy Ghosh

Rating: **1/2

“Computers are like a cycle for the mind,” is something the late Steve Jobs once said. His analogy works just as well for suspense thrillers. Some love them for the uneasiness of being unsure of what will happen next, others enjoy putting the pieces together before the climax. And if they can’t, they love it even more. ‘Kahaani’, with a few loose ends, manages to score with an ‘unpredictable end’ but the tension on the screen doesn’t translate into an anxious audience. Not throughout the film at least.

A pregnant woman seeks her absconding husband. She has flown down from London for the very first time to our colonial junkyard- Kolkata, precisely to do that. Now just this as a starting point could be used to terrorize the audience. A strange city full of people speaking an incomprehensible language can be portrayed cinematically through sweeping shots of crowds, flashbacks