A product of National School of Drama, Irrfan Khan was, in his own words, “Picked up by Mira Nair” for a role in Saalam Bombay. He I is one of the finest actors in Bollywood and has made his presence felt in Hollywood as well. Irrfan tells CNN-IBN’s Anuradha SenGupta about what he looks for in his roles and why he hates to be jealous.

Anuradha SenGupta: As we are meeting you in a film set your filmA Mighty Heart is being played in theatres. How are you reacting to the fact that when you were shooting the film there was so much attention as compared to when the film is out?

Irrfan Khan: Yes, it was because Angelina (Jolie) was here and who cares about the film. It was her celebrity status that was making all the difference. But for me it was more of a story that was so important and to be a part of that.

Anuradha SenGupta: People have different films when they discover directors or actors. This year most people would have discovered you between Life In A Metro and The Namesake The characters from the both the films: Monty on one hand and Ashok Ganguly one the other hand are totally different people How do you get into the skin of the character?

Take us through Monty as he was one of the most endearing people that we have seen on screen these days or recent times.

Irrfan Khan: For me that character was always endearing as it was a distinct character. It was not really endearing but it ended up being endearing and an interesting character.

Anuradha SenGupta: When the film was released then I would never have liked a guy like that. But may be one should give people a second look and just write them off, is that the point that you were trying to make to Konkona Sen’s character in the film?

Irrfan Khan: The character was very interesting but sometimes I do not enjoy playing myself. It is the most boring thing as an actor for me to play myself.

Anuradha SenGupta: But it is not that you are a boring person.

Irrfan Khan: I am. I might or can appear to be a very boring person but I like people with a good sense of humour so I can rub off their sense of humour. I am a little boring person so that is why I don’t like giving interviews, as I don’t know how to make it interesting.

That is why Life In A Metro and The Namesake gave me an opportunity to dig into the characters. The characters have such possibilities. Sometimes there are roles where you can’t go play yourself and that really make it repetitive. Repetition is the worst thing in my life.

Anuradha SenGupta: Why do you do those roles then? Is it because when you take the roles you are not sure that it will end up like that or simply because it is work and it is the money that comes in from the roles?

Irrfan Khan: Yes, exactly. Sometimes it is just because you are an actor and you have to keep working. You can’t wait for a project that completely engages you. Sometimes you do things just to position yourself or just to be part of a production house or just because you want to have a relationship with the director.

I was very skeptical about Life In A Metro. I thought that my role might get chopped off at the end, as there was insecurity about that role. I almost said no to the role once.

Anuradha SenGupta: I think that it gave you a slightly wider audience in the The Namesake because you had a wonderful character to play in the film. When Gogo’s first girlfriend come to meet you she gives you a kiss and the way the body language is…..

One can’t take his/her eyes off your performance. Mira Nair when she was in the show laughed and said, “I owe it to Irrfan.” From Salaam Bombay how you ended up being a writer.

Irrfan Khan: She picked me up from the National School of Drama and gave me my first break. I did a workshop with street kids and that was a great experience for me because I had come straight from the National School of Drama and had an idealistic thing about how to approach a character.

We thought that we had to live with those people in order to understand them and have a real experience. But at the end she said that my role had to be chopped, as I was tall in height so there would a problem in framing. I had my break and my set back at the same time.

Anuradha SenGupta: You don’t believe that today.

Irrfan Khan: I do believe it in a sense that it can be very convincing at times. I did not know as to how to go about the character in The Namesake which had a peculiar presence. For me to deal with that kind of presence was not easy as I couldn’t figure out what kind of person he is as he was so silent and transparent that he is sitting there but you don’t notice him.

And I have done films like Charas, Haasil and The Warrior where the presence is magnified. I didn’t know how to go about it until I met certain people and I said that this was the guy and he is the kind of person I am looking for. If I wouldn’t have met Jhoompa’s father then it would have been difficult for me and the character would have been different. In Life In A Maetro I never met anybody or never felt the need to meet anybody for the character.

Anuradha SenGupta: We are talking about a week where there are big releases lined up like Om Shanti Om and Saawariya. They are big-ticket debut of kids. When you see that do you feel, “Wow it would have been great for you in the late 80s when I started my career as an actor.” Would you say that when you look at them that it would have been great to debut like that?

Do you think that you have to find your craft or yourself as an actor by paying your dues and that you need to go through this?

Irrfan Khan: You cannot have a similar image. Everybody has their own image and they get their dues according to their own worth and that is the thing that I have realised. You cannot have things that Shah Rukh has and another person may not have what I have. Your luck, karma and your effort is all mixed up and then somewhere it gives you relief that what ever your worth is you get your due.

If you don’t get your dew then you have to think it. Life has so much to give. Even if you are getting one thing then you get another thing. That is how life is for me.

Anuradha SenGupta: Would you have debuted like the kids in Saawariya or Deepika Padukone in Om Shanti Om?

Irrfan Khan:When I used to work in TV serials I used to feel frustrated. I wanted to work in cinema. Whenever I went to them to show them my photos and tell them that I am an actor then I never used to get a good response. My ambition was to become a second lead villain with Amrish Puri at that time and I used to think why wasn’t a chance being given to me as I would make a very good villain?

If I had got that kind of break then it would be different. If I get a break with Steven Spielberg and after that I can’t go further, I would never ever want that kind of situation. Wherever I am I should go beyond that and it should make sense of whatever is happening.

At that time I used to feel jealous and frustrated and the feeling that I am jealous about somebody would have been the biggest killer for me. For me, if I can see anybody’s success and I could feel nice about it then I will be a better person when I leave this world.

Anuradha SenGupta: How did you reach an equilibrium which allowed to you to let go of frustration and jealousy?

Irrfan Khan: Life teaches you to do so. I used to feel claustrophobic and I felt uncomfortable when I was jealous of someone. I even used to feel, “Why is the person even here? He should vanish from Bombay so that I could get a chance.” And that used to make me feel a little claustrophobic. I never used to like myself but my whole struggle is to like my surrounding and myself and also to have a good time.

Anuradha SenGupta: Are you incredibly busy now because I know this is the third season of Being and we have been trying to find out what it's like to be Irrfan Khan for three seasons now for over a year.

Irrfan Khan: Anuradha, that’s true. I am a little busy and this is also true that I try to avoid interviews.

Anuradha SenGupta: Why do you try to avoid it, are you shy?

Irrfan Khan: I am not myself when I am talking to you like this.

Anuradha SenGupta: What do you mean by that?

Irrfan Khan: I mean, I am formulating things during an interview. I still need some time. Maybe after two-three years I'll be more comfortable.

Anuradha SenGupta: You mean to say you're still justifying who you are?

Irrfan Khan: Yes.

Anuradha SenGupta: You don't like that?

Irrfan Khan: No, I don't like talking about myself. Because you start talking, you start formulating things and those things don’t always remain the same. What's there in your head doesn't come out the right way. So let's put it like this — I am not very comfortable with wording my thoughts and that’s why I think I am an actor. Definitely I wanted money and fame but there was this reason as well.

Anuradha SenGupta: But it is not that you're shy, taciturn?

Irrfan Khan: I was shy. I am not that shy now.

Anuradha SenGupta: But that’s unusual for an actor, isn't it? As an actor anyway you're an exhibitionist.

Irrfan Khan: No, I think that because I was shy, I became an actor. I wanted to tell people I am not what they perceive me to be. What they see me as is what I am not. I was very shy. When I went to my first school, which was in Rajasthan, I was there till 8th standard; I guess that except the people who were close to me, nobody else knew that I even existed. I was that shy. I went to a singing competition and my teacher was gaga about me. And then when I went to the competition, they started playing the harmonium and I started singing. Nobody heard what I sang. I was so shy. My voice could not come out and I lived with that trauma for years.

Anuradha SenGupta: It was a trauma?

Irrfan Khan: Trauma in the sense that I went there because I wanted to sing. I wanted to do something where I get acknowledgement of people and where they approve of me.

Anuradha SenGupta: You don't come from a family with any links into the profession you are today?

Irrfan Khan:No, they are very feudal — Middle class with a feudal background.

Anuradha SenGupta: How do they relate to you? How do you relate to them today?

Irrfan Khan:My mother still tells me that I should go back to Jaipur and become some teacher. She asks me things like what’s the use and why am I here, etcetera. Although she feels nice about where I have reached today, she has a strong belief that this world is not going to stay. “This is maya so don't get so entangled into it that you don’t have anything else. You should see beyond life,” she tells me.

Anuradha SenGupta: Are you going to be our man in Hollywood now?

Irrfan Khan: This year I had three films released here — The Namesake, A Mighty Heart and a Wes Anderson film. I wish I could do regular films there. Sometimes people ask me what’s the difference between Bollywood and Hollywood cinema. To me there's a little bit of difference in the method of planning but that's not the main difference. The real difference is the director's take. What is there in his mind? How he is seeing the story? That really makes the difference.

Anuradha SenGupta: And you're saying that’s more prominent over there than its over here?

Irrfan Khan: No, they come from a different school. Their whole emphasis is completely different. For me as an actor I get a new ground and a new way of telling a story.

Anuradha SenGupta: Do you think that going forward there will be more opportunities to do the Mira kind of film and role, by that I mean the protagonist in a Hollywood production as opposed to the Indian/Asian in that context. Not that it’s a problem.

Irrfan Khan: Yes, till now it looks like that you have to do Indian characters but you never know how things can change. You cannot really guarantee. You cannot really foresee thing. You should keep enjoying things that you're doing. You never know what might come your way.

Anuradha SenGupta: When you were starting out, did you believe that you were not conventionally good-looking or what the Hindu film industry believes is good looking? Do you think that was something that came in the way? Did you wonder about that at all?

Irrfan Khan: No. I had done that calculation before I went to NSD. I used to ask myself, “Can this face can come on the screen or not?” and I was very naive you see. I used to look at photographs and say, “Oh! His lips close properly but mine don’t.” So then I would think that I would never be able to make it there but then I would d look for a person with lips like mine. Then sometimes, I used to look at my profile and I would be like, “No, no. It is little bit protruding from here no one in the film industry has this kind of a profile”. Then I saw Mithun Chakraborty and I said to myself that he's not a conventionally good-looking man. Shatrughan Sinha and Amitabh Bachchan were not conventionally good-looking men either. Rajesh Khanna also had to face rejection. He was rejected right during the auditions.

Anuradha SenGupta: Normally people ask this question to women and I think that it's unfair because it applies to both men and women. When did you look at yourself in the screen and say, “Okay there's no problem.” Was there a moment like that — a moment of truth?

Irrfan Khan: I have never concentrated on that. Yes, sometimes I look bad and it does attract my attention and I think that I am not looking nice. My concentration is always on whether I am behaving al right or not, whether I am creating a moment or not, whether I am looking in the moment or not. Looks definitely count. I don’t want to look bad. I don’t want to look ugly unnecessarily unless the role demands and I would love to look good all the time but then good looks is a relative thing.

Anuradha SenGupta: Not that I am star-struck but we saw you hanging with Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie when they got into trouble in Bombay with media. You were there helping them communicate. What is it like — that kind of stardom because when you look at stardom that is much the ultimate in stardom worldwide?

Irrfan Khan:Stardom is for people who couldn't reach them, people who were not being able to see them and people who were not being able to click their photographs. To them it was stardom. For me it was normal. They were people I was working with. They were very down to earth people and intelligent people.

Anuradha SenGupta: You know you mentioned your mom a little while ago and you said that she says that this is all maya. Do you agree with what she says?

Irrfan Khan: I do agree but I don’t like to take the concept in a negative manner like my mother who tends to become very negative about it sometimes. I do believe in it. In a day at least 10-12 times I think that this life is going to go away and what does it mean and why am I here and what am I doing and what am I supposed to do. I just don't want to be traumatised thinking about it all the time. I just want to realise what it is and that’s what my struggle in life is — to realise all that.

Anuradha SenGupta: What is all this about?

Irrfan Khan: I don't know. You never know because everybody comes to a conclusion. There is a very interesting thing. Einstein said that we are a part of a bigger thing and we are in prison because of our body. A similar concept has been discussed in the Hindu philosophy and the Muslim religion. What they all say is that you're imprisoned in your body and you tend to get attracted to people who are near and dear to you and once you start looking at other things then you start to have same compassion towards other things you'll have the freedom. It is exactly what our Hindu philosophy says.

Anuradha SenGupta: Am I compelling you to be philosophical or are you philosophical?

Irrfan Khan:These are my concerns which keep creeping in all the time and I like it. I like it because unless and until I have the understanding of why I am here and know that I have to go away one day, which is the truth, I have to deal with it.

Anuradha SenGupta: And movies? What about people like me who think that you are one of the finest actors we have. What should we look out for?

Irrfan Khan: I am having a good time doing these films. I had a great time doing Sunday and then there's Krazy 4. I am doing another film, Right Ya Wrong. These are very simple films for mass audience. I am having a good time and trying to give a good time to people and I might do a film with Mira and Danny Boyle who is my favourite director and I am doing it just because I want to work with him. I might get something that I wouldn't get otherwise.

Anuradha SenGupta: We hope you get what you are looking for. We love watching you, seriously.

Irrfan Khan: Thank you very much.