Kelly Osbourne braces herself for Oscar red carpet catastrophe

Kelly Osbourne at New York Fashion Week on Feb. 6, 2013Kelly Osbourne: 'People aren't afraid of me because they know I’m not mean.' (John Minchillo/Invision/AP)She's fast becoming a red carpet commentary veteran. She's not engaged. Her hair is still purple. And she's the right-hand gal of comedy legend Joan Rivers. (Literally, she sits to Rivers' right on E!'s Fashion Police.)

But make no mistake about it, Kelly Osbourne is not a Rivers protégée. She is her own, easily-excitable, fashion-literate on-air talent.

This not being her first awards show rodeo, the London-born 28-year-old daughter of Black Sabbath rocker Ozzy Osbourne is prepared for anything on this year's Oscar red carpet. "You just giggle it off. I mean, a ladder fell on me with a bunch of water at the SAG Awards this year. The back of my dress was so soaking wet," she told Yahoo! Movies recently.

Heck, Osbourne is even ready for ludicrously-rushed, couture-styled, mid-commercial bathroom breaks... even in the middle of a public parking lot. "I think my all-time funniest moment on the red carpet was two years ago at the Golden Globes, and I was wearing the blue Zac Posen. It was very tight to the knees, so you could only walk a certain leg stride, and I had to walk up the steps to get to my position... and halfway through the live taping, I’m like, ‘Oh my God! I need to pee!'" Osbourne recalled, adding that she and the E! crew had to act quickly during the event because -- in her cumbersome Posen dress -- she couldn't fit into one of the site's porta-potties:

I have a three-minute ad break to figure out how I’m going to pee. What am I going to do? So, one of the big huge guys on our crew lifts me over his shoulders so I didn’t have to walk down the steps. We walked into the Robinson’s-May parking lot. They made, like, a human barrier and I had to pee in a cup. And I was like, 'Eww! This is disgusting! This is disgusting!... What if I get pee on my dress!?’ I don’t know how I managed to do it but I did -- and I didn’t get one drop anywhere. But, I was literally having people douse me with Purell because I just felt so disgusting... Now, before every awards show, they all say to me, 'You need to pee?' And I’m, like, ‘No I don’t. Thank you.’

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Osbourne, far left, hosts this year's Screen Actors Guild Awards red carpet Osbourne, far left, hosting this year's Screen Actors Guild Awards red carpet (Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)When it comes to forming her opinion on fashion hits and misses, Osbourne often goes against the grain. Take Helena Bonham Carter, for instance (who has been the model of style ridicule in recent years). "I'm obsessed with her. I love her sense of style. I love also the Vivienne Westwood [dresses] that she wears and I think she’s one of the most exquisite looking women I’ve ever seen in my life," Osbourne said.

The E! host was reticent to name names when it came to doling out criticism, but she did have one grievance at the tip of her tongue: this year's Screen Actor's Guild Awards. "That was the most mediocre awards show red carpet in my three-and-a-half years of working at E!... The atmosphere was weak, people were dressed really boring," Osbourne contended. When it comes to dress wars, Osbourne observed, "There is no pissing contest with the SAG Awards."

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Osbourne said she assumed at first that stars who get raked over the coals on Fashion Police would be seriously ticked off about it. Surprisingly, it's the other way around. "When people know they look bad they say, 'Please pick me as worst of the week... I deserve it,'" she said, adding that Katharine McPhee -- whose style has been both criticized and lauded on the show -- has graciously accepted the week's fashion dunce cap. And when Lea Michele -- who has received a thorough ribbing on the show -- approached Osbourne, the Fashion Police host said, "I thought she was going to scream at me. But she ended being the most lovely girl."

One time Courtney Love got angry at Osbourne for something another FP host said. "It's something that we still laugh about now... She came to me and apologized, and she and I are fine. I mean, I think Courtney and I will always have -- since the day I met her we always had the love-hate relationship." But when Osbourne knows she's going to roast a celebrity friend's frock, she tells them, "'I just have to note just a heads up: I didn't love your dress and I have to be honest, but if you hate me let me know' kind of a thing."

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The only celeb she says she ever got lip from was fellow E! colleague Kim Kardashian. "She wore this white fur coat thingy and I didn’t like it," Osbourne revealed.