How to survive a B’wood party, unharmed

With the recent maar-dhaad at success parties, B’wood is getting progressively rowdy. Here’s an etiquette check

As Shirish Kunder soothes his cheeks after the Baadshah of Bollywood, SRK, hammered a thundering blow on it at a recent party, Bollywood bashes seem to be getting more literal than anything else. And under the glitter and botox-ed glow, lies a dark and desperate rage only waiting to explode at the slightest flick. So here we are, reduced to compiling a list of appropriate filmy etiquette that stars could subscribe to. Following this will ensure you’re seen at the right places, not thrown out, clobbered shapeless, and hopefully invited again.

Dress like you’re invited

I looked so cute in this sweater as a kid

Just like while travelling by air, your appearance can get you upgraded in Bollywood parties too. It’s more important to look the part, even if you don’t suit it. This is partly because the film industry is shamelessly lookist and dangerously fickle. So one appearance in an undersized red sweater can alter your image from ageing superstar to closet moonlighter.

Be the life of the party but not the lewd

Chain Kulli Ki

Bollywood is famous for its crassness that is acceptable in the guise of being candid. But even by filmy standards, there are some lines that need to be doodled firmly. So when in a party, it’s good to be charming and sociable. But it’s a definite thumbs down to be outright obnoxious and indulge in behaviour that becomes a source of comic relief for the other attendees and tabloid literature in the days following it. Unless you’re haggard and singularly quirky and it is the only way you can draw any attention or interest of the paparazzi.

Pat on the back and not poke in the rib

Bro, you were too good!

Since we’ve already covered how touchy Bollywooders can get here, it’s ideal to moderate your friendly punches. It's important to know that there’s a thin line between a cool pat and an uncomfortable poke. If you’re too junior in the industry, it’s best to do away with any kind of physical contact as it may appear desperately social which in filmy parlance translates as ‘I-need-a-role-right-now’. But a casual friendly slap on the back with a compliment that seems genuine and not rehearsed can really do wonders for you.

Say no to social alcoholism

Make it a Patiala large

There are a few things more embarrassing than having a drunken image in the media for any actor. But those things generally put one behind bars. So, it’s best to hold on to your first glass till the end of the party even if the bar is well-stocked with all the ‘labels’ that make your staple diet. The idea is to network and exchange numbers and be sociable and not fight the urge to shut your eyes.

Be a Charlie and not a Chameli

Aati kya...?

The film industry with its hysterically judgmental attitude is quick to dismiss wannabes. And dressing up like someone who is willing to make an offer worth refusing will be just enough to get you there. This doesn’t mean you wrap yourself like an Eskimo. But it also doesn’t mean that you reveal so much that people get to know you more than they would if you wore nothing at all.

More chemistry, less physics

My wife is my life

If you’re married, it’s almost compulsory to drag your partner along to every party that you attend. But the ‘dragging’ shouldn’t really appear literal and your comfortable equation should be visible. That said, surely don’t overdo the PDA or it will end up trending on popular MMS channels.

Arm baat hain

Sisters in arms

If you’re a filmmaker, a producer or his bhatija, strugglers of every kind will be quick to cling on and a bit of arm candy hasn’t hurt anyone either. But try to stick to conversation only and may be even demonstrate your humourous side. If you don’t have one, try and resist reading out forwarded jokes from your cell phone. Santa and Banta have never managed to help anyone get anywhere.

Buddy baatein

Did you hear about last night?

The idea of a party is to have a good time. Often, this constitutes to sharing a joke or two about what happened to someone, somewhere and how it was really embarrassing. While gossiping isn’t really frowned upon, it could reduce you to someone who’s just too glad to have been there and relishes the idea of seeing someone being stripped of all dignity.

But Aamir is a thinking actor so…

What a performance, yaar!

Filmwallahs are very particular and informed about who did what and how in which film. So when complimenting someone, know your facts. Also, no star can suffer lengthy compliments about another star, so the topic of discussion should stick to the person you’re conversing with. It’s an old yet classic trick to compliment a star by standing right behind his back, hoping he/ she would hear you, turn around and hug you.  Welcome to Bollywood.


Social climbing

She's got a ticket to ride

Piggy-backing on someone’s success is the most tried and tested formula in Bollywood. But literally doing that at a party will make you seem clingy and again ‘out-of-work’.

You can reach me at guha.kunal@rocketmail.com or connect with me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter

Also check out:

How to make an SLB film

Cause without a rebel

What Bhansali can learn

Video: Here's how it went down at Sanjay's party

Most Viewed

  • Sunny Leone does a Zeenat Aman; wears transparent saree!
    Sunny Leone does a Zeenat Aman; wears transparent saree!

    T-series' upcoming film EK PAHELI LEELA has been creating buzz for quite some time now. …

  • When Sonam Kapoor Crashed Out On The Sets Of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo
    When Sonam Kapoor Crashed Out On The Sets Of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo

    Seems like Actress Sonam Kapoor is having her hectic schedules these days. She is been shooting in Gujarat with actor Salman Khan for their next film of Sooraj Barjatya’s Prem Ratan Dhan Payo. Take a look at the photographs of Sonam Kapoor, she just crashed out, looking so comfortable, she took a quick nap on the sets of Prem Ratan Dhan Payo. Sonam Kapoor has been attending various events and award shows and equally she is managing her shooting of her upcoming movie Prem Ratan Dhan Payo with …

  • Oops! Sonakshi Sinha Does It Again!
    Oops! Sonakshi Sinha Does It Again!

    Sonakshi Sinha never goes out looking for trouble, because trouble usually finds her. The actress broke her hand again! Sonakshi Sinha took to her Instagram account and posted a picture of her injured hand, wrapped in pink bandage. Last night, on Friday, Varun Dhawan threw a Badlapur success bash and the actress, like a good and supporting friend, made it to the party, even with her broken hand. …

  • Age gracefully, don't cover the lines: Kareena Kapoor
    Age gracefully, don't cover the lines: Kareena Kapoor

    New Delhi, Feb 27 (IANS) Bollywood's fit and fabulous Kareena Kapoor is on her way to turn 35, and she's clear about not attempting to be 22! She feels the key to ageing gracefully lies in letting the "lines" be, especially when it comes to men. I hate it when I look at somebody and know that they have tried to cover the lines," Kareena told IANS in an interview on a recent visit to the capital. Looking svelte in a golden shimmering gown, exuding a rare glow and charm, Kareena shared her …

  • Yahoo Movies Review: Dum Laga Ke Haisha
    Yahoo Movies Review: Dum Laga Ke Haisha

    Dum Laga Ke Haisha continuously makes you smile. This is a film with a big heart and you’ll also love watching this one for the kind of nostalgia it evokes. …

  • Ab Tak Chhappan 2 Movie Review
    Ab Tak Chhappan 2 Movie Review

    AB TAK CHAPPAN 2 is an 80s plot with a 90s twist with director Aejaz Gulab trying to give it a current flavor. It doesn't work. Nana Patekar is at his blistering best... …

  • Dum Laga Ke Haisha Star Bhumi Pednekar Has Lost Weight!
    Dum Laga Ke Haisha Star Bhumi Pednekar Has Lost Weight!

    Bhumi Pednekar made her Bollywood debut opposite Ayushmann Khurrana in Dum Laga Ke Haisha doesn’t actually look even tiny bit close to her character from the movie. The reason why we didn’t see Bhumi come in front of media to interact, as her character and role in the film was kept a secret from audiences. …

  • Shraddha Kapoor Reveals Her Relationship With Varun Dhawan And Aditya Roy Kapoor
    Shraddha Kapoor Reveals Her Relationship With Varun Dhawan And Aditya Roy Kapoor

    Yesterday at the success bash of Varun Dhawan’s Badlapur, Varun’s friends from the Bollywood industry were a part of the celebration. Varun Dhawan’s upcoming movie ABCD 2 actress Shraddha Kapoor also attended the success bash of the movie. During the party, Shraddha Kapoor was questioned by the media on her rumoured relationship with Aditya Roy Kapoor. She said, “ These are the old rumours, I and Aditya are just friends and we will be friends always. …

Loading...