Vishal and Leena shared an enviable chemistry on their wedding day. It is hard to believe that their story is just two months old when both met in a typical arranged marriage set up. They connected well and went out on ‘dates’. Three months into the marriage, today, both are discovering new things about each other almost every day.
With greater technology connect and the way it is approached, the concept of arranged matches has changed over the years. What has, however, not changed is the mystery it holds. “No matter how much you communicate before marriage, you get to know a lot of things later,” says Vishal. “You don’t sit and interview each other. You slowly and gradually get to know each other,” he adds. True, but how does the understanding come about? We asked a few couples around to find best ways of getting to know your spouse after an arranged marriage:
Communicate and Express
"Ask each other’s opinion about different things, say an important event in the family or may be a show on TV,” advices Megha Sehgal, who got married to Shailesh within a couple of months of meeting him. “That gives you an understanding of how the other person thinks,” she adds.
Express clearly. It is an initial phase and the person doesn’t know when to take something with a pinch of salt. Vishal shares an amusing incident, “Initially, she took everything I said very seriously. Like, if I nonchalantly said I’m hungry in the middle of the night, she would get up to cook something. I then had to tell her that I didn’t want her to act on it,” chuckles Vishal.
Whether you live in a joint family or separately, remember to take out some ‘together time’. Go for dinner, a movie or a drive. “Listen to a plenty of songs from Yash Chopra’s movies when you go on a drive,” laughs Vijay Bhatia, a movie buff and a die-hard romantic. Well, whatever works to bring in the romance! The idea is letting the other person know what interests you and knowing if he/she appreciates it.
Understanding the environments
Friends know you the best. So, it is a good idea to know your partner through their friends’ eyes. Talk to close relatives. The “when he was a kid” tales often have a lot of insights about a person’s personality! However, do not be judgmental. “A friend might tell you a funny incident about your husband and some girl or the time he behaved foolishly. Do not judge him or be critical about it; it’s only an exercise to know the phase when you weren’t there,” suggests Megha.
To understand each other closely, it is also important to give some space. “It’s important that your partner gets time to do things she likes or meet her friends. Similarly, you should go and meet your friends. It isn’t essential to stick together everywhere. The individuality comes out when the person is happy in one’s own space, making it easy for the other person to know you better,” advices Vijay.
But narrow the space in case of a conflict. “Never let a third person – be it your mother or his – get involved. Do not let it go unresolved but then do not let another person in between,” opines Megha.
Accept the differences
Finally, you cannot break the ice unless you open your mind to the differences your personalities have. “I like to keep my drawer organised but she is not very particular about that. She likes to neatly arrange the cupboard, which I don’t care much about,” shares Vishal. That is but a small example of the little differences you might have, which require an open mind and heart to understand and accept.
These were some of the ways to know your spouse better. With understanding and love, you can easily bring out the best in each other. If you have some more tips to share with our readers, please write in the comment section below.