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How to revive romance in marriage? Take tips from experts!

Nivedita Sharma
12 February 2012

New Delhi, Feb 12 (IANS) Did you shelve love after marriage? Experts suggest that this Valentine's Day, with some planning, time management and surprises, couples can rekindle romance and brush away boredom from married life.

TV actor Pawan Shankar, married to Yukti for more than eight years, feels that priorities change after having kids, but it's the responsibility of the couples to keep the romance alive.

Shankar told IANS: "It often happens that after having kids a gap comes in between husband and wife because priorities change. To revive that love, efforts have to be made from both the sides."

He believes that women make more efforts, adding, "Ninety percent of the women try to revive love in the marriage, while only ten percent men make that effort. This is because men are not expressive. If there is a synergy at the mental level, then marriage is a bliss."

His views seem to be similar to his new show "Kyaa Hua Tera Wada", a story of a married couple with three children and how they try to revive romance in their married life.

Financial issue and parental interference sometimes mar the romance and divorce lawyer Shiksha Kushwaha feels it could be avoided if the spouses spend some quality time together and be honest while accepting the truth.

"Feeling of incompatibility, financial issues, parental interference and extra-marital affairs are some of the prominent issues but all of these can be avoided if the couple take care of a few things.

"Show genuine love and affection towards the other person. Pamper him or her and spend more time together. Also, avoid ego, during fights avoid calling names, and be genuine towards each other," Kushwaha said.

There is no guarantee that in a love marriage adjustment issues won't mess up the romance factor.

A young professional, Veta Ratra, who married businessman Sahil after 10 years of courtship, says that post-marriage couples get more time together but waste it in finding faults with each other.

"I was into a relationship for 10 years before I got married. I am married for two-and-a-half-years. Marriage is an institution that both partners have to take care of.

"But when you start living together, you tend to notice even the minutest things and complain about those things, which are irrelevant. But if you are content and satisfied with your achievements, marriage can be the most beautiful thing," Ratra said.

But there is a solution to every problem, says Samir Parikh, a psychiatrist in Max Healthcare, and suggests that some quality time with each other can work wonders.

"Couples need a regular boost to their love life in terms of spending good, intimate and fun moments together. At the same time, one also needs to appreciate that merely enjoying occasion is not good enough, and they should try and find time for each other in the chores of routine life," he said.

But at the same time he cautions not to go out of the way to impress partners as it could have an adverse effect.

"One doesn't need to impress! Do what both of you enjoy doing together. A gesture is an extension of a relationship. Last but not the least, some intimate moments could bring freshness to a monotonous life," he added.

So this Valentine, rekindle romance with little surprises.

"Love is not lost but shelved back after marriage, hence surprises help in keeping the marriage alive. As one grows, the romance also matures. In the initial years, giving a rose bud might look highly romantic but at a different stage it might look kiddish.

"But the things that remain evergreen are that you know your partner's interest and become a part of it. Get involved, don't do things just for the heck of it. Your partner can distinguish real from fake. So, show genuine interest," said marriage counsellor Vikhyat Singh.

(Nivedita Sharma can be contacted at nivedita.s@ians.in)

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