Slurp, poke, bite, stare and others – The 9 kissing sins!

In an ideal world, all of us would be blessed with incredible kissing skills and memorable first kisses. Unfortunately, we live in a less-than-perfect world and stories of first kisses may range from scandalous to just plain horrific.

There are some types of kissers that everyone dreads. We went around and asked a few young ones to describe their worst kisses ever! For your reading pleasure, we sorted all these bad kissers into broad categories. So here goes, a list of kissers you want to keep you distance from.

Kiss me not

The stinker: These are the people whose breath brings up memories of a particularly bad garbage dump. Imagine kissing that! God sent people to invent mouthwash and breath fresheners for a reason. For heavens’ sake and your dates’ use them!

The Labrador: There is nothing more adorable than having a dog lick your face, but having another person do that? Ewww! Remember, when kissing, keep the drool to the minimum. Your date shouldn’t have to wade through a river of saliva to get to your lips.

The octopus: Yes, it’s good to show that you are excited about kissing your date but that doesn’t mean your hands should be all over the place, if you know what I mean. An unfortunate victim of the octopus claimed that she was busy slapping away her date’s hands through out. “Never again!” were the last words she ever spoke to him.

The vampire: Even Count Dracula and lately Edward Cullen (of ‘Twilight’ fame) keep the biting to the minimum when they are kissing their lady love, but there are some kissers around who end up using their teeth more often than needed. Remember, the aim is not to wound your date.

The vacuum cleaner: I think the romance novels are to blame for this one. People! When the book reads, “He kissed her and took her breath away”, I can guarantee that the author did not mean it literally! If your partner is gasping for breath, you probably overdid it.

The snake: These people are characterized by the constant darting of their tongue in and out of their partner’s mouth. More often than not, the snakes also double up as the Labradors (read above), which makes the experience twice as traumatic.

The porcupine: Imagine the spiky, scaly exterior of a porcupine and then imagine kissing it! Ouch! Chapped lips, dry mouths and unkempt moustaches are a perfect recipe for killing the moment and possibly even injuring your partner.

The crocodile mouths: Most people with abnormally large mouths often fall into this bracket. Kissing becomes a contest of “who can open their mouth wider” with their poor partner struggling to keep up. If your mouth is opened so wide that you can’t feel anything except your jaw stretching, you’ve probably opened up way too much.

The stare-rs: One of the victims explained her exasperation,“ I don’t get it, what are they hoping to see? An extremely magnified close up view of my nose? My eye? It’s downright creepy!”

So there you have it, the worst kissers ever!

Now all you have to do is find yourself a perfect date for Valentine’s day, find the courage to ask him or her out and then just ensure that you don’t do ANY of the above while kissing them. Sounds simple enough, doesn’t it?

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